if i were you, i would end the story at
"NOTHING." she got off the motorbike and walked towards the alley.

Awesome!!!!!! 

कहिले काहीं सोच्छु , कहिले लेख्न सक्ने/सिक्ने  होला यस्तो कथा .

 Awesome stuff. Behoove_Me dai, just lay it out and let us be critics. No need for such humility ;) 

 Excellent read.

 God damn it man.

I swear someone is cutting onions in here cuz somehow there's tears in my eyes.

Waiting for the next part. 

Epic writing. 

 
Love it. Looking forward more from you. You are a good writer.

Behoove Me,

I agree with one of the other commentators about the need to show some backbone and gumption. It's one thing to be open to suggestions but quite another to sound like you are  bowled over by every one of them that comes your way. When you yourself start pointing out your many flaws, you invite skepticism and doubt from your readers. 

That said, I do wish there were more people like you on Sajha who shared their creativity with others. Thanks for livening up the place and all the best with your creative endeavors.

Nice! I like the ending just the way it is. It would be easier for us to dislike Sheetal if you had not put the part about her still having feelings for you. If it is a true, I am sorry, if it is not, enjoyed the read.